Pueblo Chico, Infierno Grande

This past week has been without a doubt the hardest week of my Peace Corps service, and one of the more challenging of my life.

As you all know, I have been working to bring to life the first Artisan Fashion Show in Monsefú, which happened this past Sunday.  Unfortunately and somewhat fortunately, in the same moment that the show started, it started raining- it only seems to rain in Monsefú during important Peace Corps events!  It was bearable at first, but then a torrential downpour started and everyone had to run for their lives and cover the electrical equipment.

I say somewhat fortunately because we were nowhere near fully prepared for this event.  And I don't mean my Type-A, perfectionist type of unprepared, I mean the sound system was super messed up, the music didn't work until the last 5 minutes, half of the outfits (out of like 80 in total) didn't have descriptions for the announcer to read, and we were probably going to commit enough errors in the descriptions that numerous artisans were going to leave grumpy with me.

A few months ago, I started out working with Señorita Fexticum, a 17 year-old marinera dance champion who represents Monsefú.  She has always been unreliable, but she surpassed herself this time.  She was supposed to be in charge of the whole model aspect of the event, leading the rehearsals and all of that.  Well, while I was out of town for an obligatory training, she skipped two rehearsals, with no warning to me or any of the models.  When confronted about it, she had completely insane excuses about her health (including that she got an ear infection from being near a really loud speaker at a birthday party) and refused to take any responsibility.  She also pocketed 100 soles donated to the event by a contact of mine for her own personal expenses, probably all unrelated to the event.  I found myself in this situation 2 weeks before the event when a guy in his early 30s, Lucho, introduced himself to me when I was meeting with Magguli (Señorita Fexticum).  I found out that the idea for this project that Magguli had presented to me was actually a project of his that he had developed 4 years ago, and had suggested that Magguli get in contact with me to make it happen, since he was occupied with other work.  I explained my complete state of desperation to him and he promised to support me in every way possible.  And he did- we got more done in one day than I had gotten done with Magguli in a month.  Through him we got a big team of young people involved, and we kind of pulled off this event, and much bigger than I had imagined it.

But even with all of Lucho's help, preparation for this event was still complete hell.  I am just not cut out to deal with young, small town aspiring models, stage moms, and psychologically unstable artisans.  There were plenty of amazingly supportive, helpful people involved in this event, but that doesn't erase the egoism, criticism, selfishness, and everything else I had to deal with by the truckload.  And the cultural differences just amplified everything.  Hopefully most of you see me as someone who is organized and responsible, but this week I came to fully realize how much my organizational ability depends on having some private time to think.  There is no such thing as private time in Monsefú, and interrupting is also a way of life.  In the municipality people walk straight up to a desk and start talking, regardless of whether another conversation is going on, and if someone thinks what they have to say is more important than what you are saying, they will just cut you off and say "no, escuchame, escuchame..." (listen to me, listen to me).  So this is the way people treated me during our rehearsals, while I was trying to organize the descriptions and orders of the outfits on my laptop.  Three teenagers/moms talking at me at the same time saying KIMBERLY KIMBERLY even after I told the entire room that I could not be interrupted for the next 10 minutes.  About 3 hours before the event, not having eaten all day, I had a minor breakdown and tried to explain through sobs to Lucho and the university students helping us that I can't think or do anything productive when people keeping accosting me with pressuring questions about "What am I wearing" "When am I going on" "Is this the only thing I am wearing?" "Can I switch bags with her" "Why haven't you gotten the order done yet??!!" and everything else.  The two university students then made me sit down and they made me two cups of chamomile tea and fed me hard boiled eggs and crackers, the only things they could find in the house. 

The event started about 75 minutes late (an hour is somewhat standard), the sound was bad, the music wasn't working, all the introductions were off the cuff (not horrible but not really adequate), and we didn't have all of the descriptions printed for the announcer to read.  In that way, thank God it rained because I was dreading the later sections of the show that were not as well organized as the first parts.  But I left the event laughing and happy, knowing that there was nothing I could do about the rain.  As my Peace Corps mob that came out to support (thank you guys!!) was leaving, one volunteer leaned in and said "keep laughing!"

Three days ago, the laughing stopped.  A radio show guy named Felipe, who had originally supported me and the event, brutally criticized the organization of the event, saying that everything that Lucho is involved in turns out badly.  They don't like each other and I don't understand why.  Then an artisan got super defensive about her son's involvement as the DJ and basically told me that he only participated because of Magguli and it is all thanks to Magguli that this event happened (her son is friends with Magguli, so I can only imagine the bullshit she has been spreading about her role in the organization).  Lastly, on the public "Monsefú al Día" facebook page, basically a news/event promoter page for everything local, someone said the following about the event: 

"It was a good way to incentivize the artisans to show their work but unfortunately there are people that are so hypocritical and shameless that they boast to be the promoters of the project, what a shame that these kinds of people exist that hoped this event would serve to show themselves off, but there is a God that judges the bad acts of these people by sending a blessed rain so that they don't complete their objective of being the prominent figures of this event."

This comment (about Lucho) came as a complete shock because it came from someone who I never would have expected to lash out like that, but it again was a friend of Magguli. That girl was telling everyone that Lucho and I had cast her to one side and taken "her" event as ours... when really, she was doing nothing helpful and showing up only to throw hissy fits and give excuses for her tardiness/lateness.  And the worst part about this whole mess is that if I wanted to fix everyone's misconceptions about Lucho's involvement in the event, I could publicize everything that Magguli has done (pocketed money, lied repeatedly, not shown up to even the most basic of responsibilities) but obviously that is not something I could do to anyone, let alone a 17 year-old girl. 

Here's how I responded to the comment, and here's how the person responded to me:

"______, with all my respects and thanks for your help in 1 rehearsal, there is a lot that you don't know about the organization of this event.  The idea was part of a plan developed years ago by this person that you refer to, and it is he who gave the idea to the two organizers recognized in the first stages.  I asked him to directly join the Organizing Committee because I had no human support to achieve the event, and thanks to him and the many days that he and I with other friends worked from 7am-midnight, we were able to complete the first parts of the Show, although we were interrupted by forces of nature.  This event is reprogrammed for April, financed by the Municipality, and hopefully on this date will we find only positive wishes for the success of this event that promotes the work of our artisans."

"My friend Kimberly, there is no problem/obstacle regarding me with the project, we have to recognize that it is a good idea to bring to light the products of all the artisans, we will have time to converse and give you a hand, I hope to have enough time to support you all in the next event, take care."

While that was diffused, the combination of the various comments over the last three days has been just too much for my physically and emotionally exhausted body to bear.  I cried 3 times yesterday, twice publicly, in front of Felipe the radio guy and in front of the mentioned artisan, and that's kind of bad to do in this "be strong, only children cry" culture.  Too bad I was raised by super-sensitive psychologist parents who never taught me how to hold back my tears! Damnit.  Then today my best artisan friend, in a meeting with other artisans and me, said that it made her really uncomfortable that Lucho appeared on stage as an organizer (at my insistence) and Magguli did not, when they thought that they were supporting Señorita Fexticum's social projects.  I told them, in general terms, that Magguli had not participated in any of the organizing in the crucial moments, and that the Show wasn't her idea, as we all thought.  There were more tears, and the artisans assured me that they believed me and supported me, but it was still frustrating.  People keep telling me to not worry about the criticisms or what other people think, but then they keep talking to me about it!

So basically this project refuses to go away, while the logistics were a nightmare, the piece that people saw created a lot of expectativas (expectations) so there's a lot of demand for us to reprogram it.  I also can't leave the artisans hanging, when they worked so hard to finish the products in time for the show.  We are planning on doing it in April with more support from the Municipality, but I have very little motivation to be involved... I have so many other projects I would rather be working on, and I just can't deal with small town bullshit + model attitudes + artisan attitudes.  It's too much.  So we might reprogram it for July instead as part of the month-long festival of Fexticum, so that it could be more of the Municipality's project and I could step away.  This would be better anyways so that the project gets institutionalized and remains after I leave.

I accredit a lot of what I've dealt with not necessarily to the culture here, but probably to factors that are common in a lot of small towns where everyone knows each other.  In talking with my mom, we decided that it seems like whenever someone stands out (like Lucho), people criticize.  I guess that's why people in Monsefú say pueblo chico, infierno grande (small town, big hell).  Previously, I didn't understand why people that had been involved in great public projects in the past now avoid working in any really public way with me.  They always wanted me to do all the talking and them to just work in the background, and now I understand why.  And it makes me sick that when someone here tries to do something good, they have to hide it or people will rip them to pieces.  And I feel guilty for repeated pushing Lucho to put his logo on the invitations, speak on the radio, and speak at the event, because I thought I was giving him his due credit, but turns out all I gave him was gossip.

So there you go, a nice little negative post for you.  I feel like overall I give a pretty rosy picture of Monsefú, because I don't want to criticize the culture or the people or anything in general terms... but if you want a realistic idea of my challenges here in site, here is the somewhat abbreviated version of it.  No worries, I will be fine, I'm just desperately in need of some personal and vacation time.  Luckily I'm going up to Piura (3 hours away) this weekend for a mix of work and pleasure, so I'll have some time to get out of here.  Through this event I also got to know some incredibly supportive and selfless people, so I've gained some great friends and work partners... and we are going out tonight to celebrate and dance with Grupo 5!