PCVS-ing

...that was my attempt at a clever title, that was supposed to sound like PMSing.  I am calling my current state of mind PCVSing (Peace Corps Volunteer Syndrome) because my honeymoon period with my site is officially over, and I have without a doubt entered into the "high's and low's" that all the sage volunteers talk about.

You all may remember that in training, I was doing absolutely great and then one day, the cobrador on the combi refused to give me my change back, because I looked like someone who wouldn't know better.  That led to a flood of tears as soon as I stepped off the combi, and all of the little stressers I had ignored for weeks just came rushing out in a wave of emotion.  I tend to do that- I can handle a high load of stress, but if it goes on for too long, I will eventually snap with a tiny trigger.

Here at site, I knew that "snapping" moment was coming, I just couldn't feel when it was going to happen. I was too content, too positive, all just bad signs that I was suppressing something.  Sure enough, I got in a very small disagreement with my host family, and suddenly I was mess.  As I was crying, I kept thinking "Oh thank God, thank God I am finally getting this out, the anticipation was killing me," so overall it made me feel better.  I was triggered though, because of a cultural difference that led to both parties getting offended and me feeling extremely frustrated that the other party didn't understand why I was upset.  It's something that I will have to deal with for two years, and the thought of that is really overwhelming.

After that, I haven't felt nearly as positive in my work.  First, I got really upset about not being invited by the Municipality to an important regional meeting that I found out another volunteer had been invited to, and I had specifically asked to be invited.  The next day, I walked in to find 3 new tourism interns with the organigrama (organizational chart) of the personnel that I had been asking for for the last month.  Basically, I work with a lot of people who are always busy and I feel like I have a hard time getting anything done or found, and others (locals) are able to walk in and get exactly what they need.  Lastly, I've been trying to get a pen-pal program off the ground between a high school English class here and a high school Spanish class taught by my former teacher at Langley, Sñra Prell.  I purposely decided to work in Monsefú with a teacher and school that "could use a lot of help," and because of that, we have made no progress on getting the exchange set-up.  The worst part about all the little stressers over the past 5 weeks or so is that I don't always have an outlet to vent about them, and I especially can't vent about anything in detail on this blog for a variety of reasons, #1 being that I would essentially be talking behinds people's backs to the entire internet.

Luckily, this morning swung me back into positivity.  I was determined to sit in the Public Relations/Tourism office until I got everything done that I needed, and I succeeded- and then some!  I was able to express a few ideas for the events of Monsefú's anniversary (all of October) that were well received, I finally got the word that the website-guy will put up tourism info as long as I send him the text and pictures, and some other small victories.  Best of all, I met another new tourism intern who is specifically interested in artesanía and is interested in helping me conduct the artisan surveys, starting tomorrow!  Lastly, a guy from the regional government came in looking for a lot of data that the employees didn't know where to find, and I happen to be looking for a lot of the same data- we exchanged info and I told him that I would pass along what I had found so far, so I think that I won some appreciation from the Municipality.

I'm also feeling great because I will be talking today or tomorrow with the Business Development Manager of SEED, an organization I worked in at UVa- we are going to talk about the possibility of having some SEED teams support my artisan projects here, especially in terms of websites and marketing.  If this goes through, it will be enormous support to me.

My moods here are mostly governed by how supported I feel in my work, and that varies drastically from day to day.  However, the good days seem to make up for the bad days, or I at least think that I will look back on the bad days and be glad I worked through them.  It also helps that I have a fantastic host family, and even though there are certain substantial cultural barriers, they sincerely care about me and we have some great moments.  Within two weeks of me being here, my host dad said it felt like we had met in another life!  They also liked my tortilla chips, guacamole, and pesto pasta so much that they've asked me to make them again, so even if I still feel useless in other places, at least I can make my family happy where it counts, with food.

Commenting

So it has become apparent that my followers are a mix of family members, friends, strangers, and probably supervisors.  Through my mom, it also seems that some family members and family friends may be having trouble commenting, so here are the guidelines:

-Most important: If you are subscribed to my updates by email, you cannot reply to the blog post by hitting "reply" in your email.  The email address that is sending you the updates is automated, "noreply@blogger.com," not me, so I do not receive the replies.  If you have sent replies this way, I am sorry I haven't replied but they went off into cyberspace, so I never saw them!

-To reply from the email, click the link at the top of the email.  It should be the title of the blog post, in blue.  That will bring you to the post on my blog site.  Scroll to the bottom of the post and you will see the commenting area.

-Everyone: After typing your comment, please use the "Comment as" box to identify yourself.  Use the drop-down menu (clicking on the two arrows) to either identify yourself through an account you have (Google, Wordpress, etc.) or if you do not have one of these accounts click "Name/URL."  A box will then pop up with two spaces for "Name" and "URL."  You can just fill in "Name" and click continue, then continue posting your comment.

-If you have problems, use "Anonymous" if necessary but please identify yourself in the text of your comment.

Thank you! I know the commenting process is not the easiest, but unfortunately I can't do much about it.  I really appreciate having readers- family/friends and strangers alike!

On Top of the World!

It has been an incredible week for me- I've tried to avoid giving you all too many dry play-by-play descriptions of my days here, but I think this week was the first time that I felt like a real Volunteer, so I'd like to share what it was like.

Last Friday, I decided it was time for me to stop taking baby steps and just go for it: instead of finishing my 1-by-1 meet-and-greets with artisans and school directors, which was going very slowly in the first three weeks, I decided to program a meeting in the Municipality for all the artisans, associated and independent, to talk about my function in the community and discuss our goals and next steps.  It was a little risky since I've been warned about how hard it is to get people to come to your meetings if they don't know you, but I decided it was time to try anyways.

Suddenly, I felt super busy.  On Friday afternoon, I ran to turn in my solicitud to the Municipality asking to use the meeting room that has a projector.  Then my socia invited me to a two-day wedding on Saturday and Sunday, which was a mix of high's and low's.  Sunday was out in the campo, in the caserios (shantytowns/outlying areas) of my town, so it was GREAT to spend some time out there- it is definitely a different world than the center of town, because people didn't even try to hide their surprise and fascination about the gringa- I was swarmed by about 10 kids asking me rapid fire questions about the U.S. and English... it was also clear that in this POOR poor area, my work in Savings and Credit programs could be really life-changing, so that was an exciting thought.  But I have to admit it had some pretty unpleasant moments- had some drunk men scream nonsense English in my face (they think it's hilarious to pretend to speak English) and one drunk woman who was very insistent on me meeting her son, because I was going to be her nuera, daughter-in-law.  On a related note, did you guys know that I have a huge American boyfriend who is really protective and is coming to visit?

My socia, Paulina (left) with the newlyweds- bride doesn't wear white if she already has kids!

Anyway, got back on Sunday night feeling very pressed for time on my meeting- nobody knew about it yet, the room wasn't confirmed, I wasn't sure that my list of contacts for the artisan associations was correct or complete, I had no contact info for independent artistans except for one that I had met, and my socia was consumed with other meetings pretty much all week.

On Monday, I was able to get verbal confirmation from the Municipality that my request was approved, got another list of associations that confirmed my list, printed off my formal invitations (which are very important here), and talked to a radio host about announcing my meeting on his show (which would be very important for attracting independent artisans).  This was all in the morning, since I had to travel to Chiclayo for a medical visit in the afternoon (small chance I might have a parasite, but that's another story).

Invitations- oh yeah, I have a super official stamp, which is important for "authorities" here

On Tuesday morning, I started repartiendo mis oficios, going house-to-house to deliver my invitations.  To my pleasant surprise, the 2 or 3 women I found had heard about my meeting on the radio...YAY!  But even with that little victory, the deliveries were going really slowly and I was sure I wasn't going to find everybody by the end of the day.  My brother and I were home alone for lunch so made arroz con huevo, rice and eggs, which is like the Peruvian equivalent of Ramen... perfect for two 23 year-olds.  He then offered to bring me to his friend's house who would know the roads that my brother didn't recognize.  His friend helped us a lot, and then my brother accompanied me in delivering almost ALL of my invitations, which took the whole afternoon/evening.  He was even more dedicated to getting them all delivered than I was, so eventually after searching around 3 different neighborhoods for the last one, we went home and I called the remaining few.  I spent the rest of the evening getting my PowerPoint ready.

Wednesday morning I continued working on my PowerPoint and was able to meet with my socia Paulina to go over my presentation quickly.  She was incredibly supportive and excited about what I wanted to talk about, and volunteered to hand deliver the last invitations to the individuals I had only called by phone.  Feeling more prepared than I expected and with some extra time, I delivered a press release to the Municipality for another last-minute radio announcement, and went to Chiclayo to run some errands.  I ran into another Volunteer named Amanda, who had just met a guy from Seattle who is doing a world tour by himself.  Had a good time hanging out with them for lunch, then went home and worked more on my presentation.  Later, two friends I had met in Chiclayo an earlier weekend (through a German volunteer who lives in my town) showed up at my door, because it's Patron Festival week (more like month) in my town, so we went out and got some pollo a la brasa.  They are from Chiclayo (the capital city) and both spend a lot of time in Germany, so are very international and are very different from the people in my town- more extroverted, have a lot more to say about international topics- so it felt really great to relax with them for a while and get to be more of my complete self, with less reservations about being culturally offensive.  Came back early, worked more on my presentation, and went to bed.

Thursday- the big day! Woke up early, made finishing touches on my presentation and materials, and got over to the Municipality early.  I was surprised to see two artesanas arrive on time at 10am... and surprised in a good way, because everything and everyone runs late here.  It took 30 minutes for a Municipality intern to hook up the computer, but that worked out perfectly because we had a full house by 10:30am... 32 artesanos en total, including 7 independent artisans- this was a VERY satisfactory turn out for me.  I advanced through my introduction of Peace Corps and Peace Corps/Peru, I introduced myself and my educational/professional background, and I showed some pictures of my friends and family (oh yeah, you guys are famous now) because my townspeople are always curious about how I can stand being without my family for two years.  I told them that YES I miss my family and friends very much, but I also have very strong motivations for being here... I described my motivations with the Spanish version of this quote, which an artesana read out loud for everybody:

“Strange is our situation here upon earth.  Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose.  From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know; that we are here for the sake of each other, above all, for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, and also for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy.  Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of others, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received and am still receiving.”  - Albert Einstein

  

Thanks Mom, for introducing me to that quote when I graduated from high school :)  I used this quote to say that I feel very thankful for the opportunities I have been given, through an accident of birth in the United States- that I was able to attend one of the best public high schools in the country, one of the best public universities in the country, and all the while having the constant support of family, friends, and friends of family... that I want everyone in the world to have the same opportunities that I had, to shape their own lives with education and job opportunities.

On the more specific topics of my work with the artisans, I used a tool we were given during training, the "Problem Tree"- it's a very simple graphic that uses intuitive logic to help people focus on the real "roots" of a problem.  It is an especially intuitive model for groups that work closely with agriculture, because it makes sense to them that to have a healthy tree (or project or organization), you have to have healthy roots.

I used the tree to approach the popular theme of egoismo and celos in the artesanía... that all the artisans say they can't unite to achieve anything because no one wants to share their skills with anybody else, and because some mismanagement of products and funds have occurred when groups have tried to work together to be represented at an artisan fair.  I used the tree to say that the ROOT of the problem is not the lack of trust and jealousy between groups- it is the lack of appropriate mechanisms to ENSURE that products and funds are appropriately managed, so that at all times, it is known where the products and money are, and we are on the same page about what is going to be brought where, etc.

Other parts of my presentation were regular, not that notable, but I think the Problem Tree was a hit.  It got them thinking in a really positive way when I converted the graphic into a Solution Tree, with "healthy roots."  It was an extremely useful tool in our later discussion about the possibilities of exportation, since that is pretty much the goal of all the artisans.  I said yes, I agree that that is the goal, but that is the END goal.  In order to arrive there, where do we need to start?  "The roots!" responded the participants- they really grasped and seemed to agree with my ideology that we need to focus first on organization and business practices in order to be ready to export- we need a "Congress" of artisans to represent their interests to relevant institutions, they need to develop new products and styles to international tastes, and they need practice with quality control, marketing, and accounting.  More than anything, it is going to take time to have a strong, unified institution that has the production capacity for exporting.

We ended the meeting with a FODA, the Spanish version of a SWOT analysis (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats).  After some initial prodding and assistance from Paulina, a number of participants really opened up to the group.  I think the activity gave the group a real vision for what we might achieve, and what we need to focus on first.

So, after all the obligatory kisses on the cheek and "Chau's," I returned home with a big smile on my face, feeling exhausted.  I feel like I've just reached the first peak on my Peace Corps mountain.  I feel on top of the world right now, but I'm also having the feeling that I should "enjoy it while it lasts," because I never know when I am going to hit an unexpected and upsetting obstacle.  But with the significant positivity and participation that I saw from the artisans today, I am feeling really good about where I am going.

Peruvians Hate Peanut Butter and Love Guinea Pigs

...of course, I should never talk in such general terms, but seriously, every Peruvian I've met hates peanut butter when they try it.  I guess I can understand that it's a strange texture to get used to.  But as an aliment (is that the word? ahh damnit English...) that is crucial to most Volunteers' happiness, I find it hilarious that they don't like it.  So I decided to film my host brother, Aguxo (Ah-goo-choh) trying it.

Also, I have to share this fantastic commercial with you all.  In case the below doesn't make sense to you, guinea pigs are native to the Andes (so their name makes no sense) and are a big part of Peruvian culture, especially in the mountains- they are raised like chickens, eaten, considered to be extremely nutritious, and are used in ancient healing rituals.  The Peruvian word for guinea pig is cuy (koo-ee).  Passing the cuy is a practice used when someone is really sick- a cuy is rubbed all over the sick person's body, and then it is cut open (or in some communities, it supposedly dies all of a sudden).  The curandero (healer) then examines the insides to diagnose the person's illness, sort of like looking at tea leaves.  Anyway, Peru's tourism promoters have ingeniously started using the cuy as the mascot of Peru... hence, this awesome bank video.

Also, big shout out to Fran Wahl for her BOMBASS care package.  You are the best, I love you.  And thank you again to Becca Almond for your package during training, I am so thankful for my friends :)

Reflecting on 9/11, from 3,000 miles away / Meditando sobre el 11 de septiembre, 3.000 millas de casa

(para la traducción en castellano, baja la página)


Not only is this the first time I will commemorate the anniversary of 9/11 from outside of the United States, but this is the first time that the day is hitting me so hard.  There are a number of things I have been thinking about over the last week- a desire to share this day with other Americans, reflections on what that event meant to me as a 12-year-old, what it means to me today, and thoughts on how to explain my sentiments to my Peruvian friends and family.


Over the past 9 anniversaries of 9/11 that have gone by, I don't remember spending a lot of time watching footage of the towers and Pentagon being struck or in flames.  Maybe it's the tendency for Peruvian news to be more graphic, or maybe these images are being replayed in the States too, but I feel like I have spent a lot of time over the last few days watching the images that make my heart drop to my stomach.  Like many kids at my school just outside of DC, I was picked up by my parents that day and I remember spending hours sitting on the floor of their bedroom, just trying to process and understand what was happening.  It wasn't until this week that I really remembered watching little black figures spray off the sides of the towers, as American men and women jumped to a quicker death than the one that was awaiting them.  I think those were the images that hit me most as a 12 year-old, because I was able to understand the event in terms of a huge fatal fire... but I had no idea what terrorism was, and why this group of murderers had chosen to kill so many Americans in such an awe-striking way.  


During our 10 weeks of training in Lima, we were asked on numerous occasions in Spanish class to discuss our opinions and feelings on 9/11 and the War on Terror.  Each time, our group of 5 would get quiet, with a few chuckles of disbelief and exasperation, because the task of verbalizing the feelings that those memories evoke is hard enough in English.  We reacted to these assignments with melancholy and bitterness, and were never really able to complete them.  A classmate explained to our teacher (in English) that these subjects have been "beaten to death" and they are exhausting topics that we don't want to talk about any more.  I think it was especially hard for us as Peace Corps trainees to discuss the topic, because we are a group of people who clearly have fierce feelings about defending the values and reputation of the U.S.


But in some ways, at least for me personally, the topic has not been "beaten to death."  I am experiencing the anniversary of 9/11 in a new way, as a 22 year-old, living in a foreign country as a representative of the United States, with the goal of representing my county as it deserves to be represented- with hard work that achieves new development, new opportunities, and increased trust and understanding.  Peru is a country that knows terrorism very well.  Between 1980 and 1992, Sendero Luminoso (Shining Path) and other groups created such constant and widespread fear that Peruvians were scared to leave their houses, and travel outside of the community was pretty much out of the question.  Andean communities experienced "popular justice," in which terrorist cells came into the community, captured a "traitor" such as a teacher or mayor, and presented him/her to the public for execution.  The silence of the neighbors was taken as support for the execution, and anybody who spoke out against the killing might be executed next.  The constant state of fear was made worse by the fact that you didn't know who to trust, since both terrorists and military members committed the atrocities.  This isn't ancient history- this only ended 20 years ago.


I am not going to try to make a simple "take away message" from what this day means to me, as an American and as someone who lives with Peruvians who experienced a completely different kind of terrorism.  These events are more important than that.  I can't boil down all my feelings on 9/11 and the War on Terror into a blog-post, just as I couldn't articulate those feelings in Spanish class.  But reflecting on the causes, experiences, and effects of terrorism across the world does give me new food for thought in my work as a Peace Corps Volunteer.


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Hoy día no es solamente la primera vez que conmemoro el aniversario del 11 de septiembre afuera de los EEUU, pero también es la primera vez que este día me ha chocado tanto.  Yo he pensado en varias cosas esta semana- mi deseo para compartir este día con otros Americanos, reflexiones en como me importó este evento cuando tuve 12 años, que significado tiene para mi hoy día, y pensamientos en como puedo explicar mis sentimientos a mis amigos y familiares peruanos.

En los aniversarios más recientes del 11 de septiembre, no recuerdo pasando mucho tiempo mirando los imágenes de los torres y el Pentágono chocados y encendiendo.  Quizá es por causa de las noticias e imágenes más explícitas en Perú, o de repente están repitiendo estos imágenes en los EEUU también, pero parece que haya pasado mucho tiempo en los últimos días mirando los imágenes que hacen mi corazón caerse hasta mi estómago.  En el 11 de septiembre del 2011, igual a muchos jóvenes en mi colegio, mis padres me recogieron de las clases para ir a casa.  Recuerdo pasando horas sentada en la alfombra del cuarto de mis padres, sencillamente intentando a procesar y entender que estaba sucediendo.  Esta semana recién me hizo recordar como yo miré figuritas negritas cayendo de las fachadas de los torres, hombres y mujeres americanos saltando para una muerte más rápida que la que estaba yendo.  Creo que estos imágenes fueron los que me chocaron más como una niña de 12 años, porque podía entender el evento como un gran incendio mortal… pero no tenía ningún idea de que significa el terrorismo, y porque este grupo de asesinos eligieron a matar tantos americanos en esta manera tan dramática.

Durante nuestras 10 semanas de capacitación en Lima, en las clases de castellano nos pidieron muchas veces a discutir nuestras opiniones y sentimientos sobre el 11 de septiembre y la guerra contra el terrorismo.  Cada vez, nuestro grupo de 5 alumnos se volvieron muy callados, con unas risitas de incredulidad y exasperación, porque la tarea de verbalizar los sentimientos evocados por estas memorias ya es difícil en inglés.  Reaccionamos a estas tareas en una manera muy melancólica y amarga, y nunca podíamos terminarlas completamente.  Un compañero explicó a la maestra (en inglés) que estos temas han sido ya repasados hasta el cansancio, que nos agotan, y que no queremos discutirlos más.  Creo que era difícil discutirlos especialmente para nosotros como aspirantes de Cuerpo de Paz, porque somos un grupo de gente que lógicamente tienen sentimientos muy intensos sobre la defensa de los valores y la reputación de los EEUU.

Pero de algunas maneras, por lo menos para mi personalmente, el tema no ha sido repasado hasta el cansancio.  Estoy encontrándome con el aniversario del 11 de septiembre en una forma nueva, como una joven con 22 años, viviendo en un país extranjero como representativa de los Estados Unidos, con la meta de representar mi país en el imagen merecido- representándolo con trabajo duro que logra nuevo desarrollo, nuevas oportunidades, y la aumentación de confianza y entendimiento.  El Perú es un país que conoce muy bien el terrorismo.  Desde 1980 hasta 1992, Sendero Luminoso y otros grupos crearon tanto temor, constante y generalizado, que los peruanos tenían miedo de salir de la casa, y viajes afuera de la comunidad no eran factibles.  Comunidades andinas sufrían “la justicia popular,” en que las células de terroristas llegaban, capturaban a un “traidor” por ejemplo un maestro o el alcalde, y lo presentaban al público para ejecutarlo.  El silencio de los vecinos lo tomaban como apoyo para la ejecución, y la persona quien se oponía la matanza podía ser la siguiente ejecutada.  El estado constante de miedo se hacía peor con la falta de conocimiento con quien se podía  confiar, porque las barbaries fueron cometidos no solamente por los terroristas pero también por los militares.  Solo hace 20 años que ocurría esto- no es historia antigua.

No voy a intentar a encontrar una lección simple de este día y como me importa, como americana y alguien que vive con peruanos quienes sufrieron otro tipo de terrorismo muy distinto.  Estos eventos importan y merecen más.  No puedo reducir todos mis sentimientos sobre el 11 de septiembre y la guerra contra el terrorismo a un blog, por el mismo estilo que no pude verbalizar estos sentimientos en la clase de castellano.  Pero meditando en las raíces, las experiencias, y los efectos del terrorismo en todo el mundo me da más razones para pensar en mi trabajo como Voluntaria de Cuerpo de Paz.

Pre-Service Training in 8 minutes

As a Macbook Air owner for a grand total of about 4 months now, I just finished my FIRST iMovie project!  I tried it out on my videos and pictures from Pre-Service Training, and here's the result.  You better like it, because it took approximately 4 days/12 HOURS just to UPLOAD the darn thing, thanks to interrupted and slow internet.



Also, my permanent mailing address is updated in the right-hand column.  I would love to receive mail!  But let me know if you do send something, because I'll have to pick it up in my regional capital, and I won't be going post office very often unless I know something is there.  Also one of the best things you can send me is just music by email (or any other format)!