Dear friends
and family,
You may
think it strange for me to say “Kim’s Home.” She misses her
US home but Kim has made a home for herself in Monsefu, Peru. A second home and
a definite primary home for now. She
has a mother, father, sister and sisters and brother-in-laws, cousins and
extended family that she experiences as her own. They experience her the same
way. She is incredibly embedded in
the community with mutual love and respect. I ended up the same way, feeling so
embedded in the families and friends she has established that it was hard to
leave the Peruvian welcome and the home my daughter has created.
The Peruvians
are different. The families that
she socializes with value relationship beyond anything else. They are present in the moment with you
and say it like it is. They
questioned me, as they have with Kim about how it is that “We would let our
children leave home at 18”. Their
question is about our different cultural mores and values. For them, the children are always in
touch and really don’t leave home until they are married and even then the
mother keeps her rule, is very involved and her children are nearby and
involved. I explained that separating for us was in the best interest of the
child and her/ his development of autonomy. It wasn’t an emotional separation
but a supporting of the cultural mores and values that I/we/they grow up with
which has to do with independence, self respect and a desire to further your
growth and achievements. I deeply respect the value of family and think we
could benefit by focusing on the family more. This was hard for them to understand. We had great
conversations.
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| Host Mom and Dad (far side), host sister, host brother, and nephew |
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| Host Mom and the family of another host sister |
I feel so
grateful that I had this time with Kim and her family in Monsefu. I felt such
honesty, trust, curiosity and affection. They are good, good people. I don’t know how Kim will be able
to leave. I mentioned that to her and she agreed saying she can’t and does not
want to imagine it.
I do imagine what will happen. Kim will
leave with great sadness and her heart strings will be stretched beyond belief.
It will be emotionally tortuous and she
will leave or I will come to get her.
I humorously said this to the family with whom she lived for three months when
she was in her initial training June of 2011. They humorously/seriously said
that they are due for an earthquake and she will not be able to leave when it
happens. This was after we experienced a possible tremor with them in their home. They then in all seriousness told me
about the earthquakes they have experienced and the loss of life and home that
has occurred. They live with this constantly. When they hear a possible tremor they
quickly all go together to hear how the dogs are barking outside. They can tell whether they should run
to shelter or not by the sound of the barking dogs.
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| Her first host family in Lima, where we experienced the tremor. |
I turn now
to some of the funny and not so funny predicaments. I’ve told you how
relational the Peruvians can be.
You might not feel that way in a car on the Peruvian roads. More frequently than not there are no
stop signs and surely no stop lights.
Drivers beep as they go through an intersection. Your life is in their hands. Quickly I ascertained that most drivers
are very competent and know how to navigate their way in Peruvian city traffic
without getting hit. With one driver however, both Kim and I came to feel like
our lives might be in danger. Kim said “Please!” to the driver who
aggressively, irritatedly swerved in and out of traffic traveling at an extreme
speed. I felt like we were in a
video car racing game where he was bent on winning. Thankfully we all won and
lived. Unfortunately we passed an accident where another
driver was not so lucky, and an ambulance was on the scene. He may have slowed down a little then.
Another
cultural aspect that I earlier described as an asset can also be experienced as
a discomfort. Most families are focused on relationship but so much so that you
can feel trapped and unable to withdraw in a way that is respectful. Having
figured this out with Kim’s help I was able to try to remove myself from dinner
at a very poor family’s house at around 10:00 pm saying, “Kim please translate
to this family, your mother is very, very tired and you have to put her to
bed”. It took us at least another
½ hour to leave. Time is not
experienced in Peru as it is here and it is insulting to use time as a reason
for leaving the relationship.
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| The family we were with until 10:30pm, and the German volunteer they host |
I have described this trip to my friends
as the most interesting and diverse I have ever had. You will understand why. We
next traveled to Pacasmayo on the coast/beach. We stayed at a hostel for $7/night which was just what we
needed…clean, two beds, great bath. Kim was participating in a 10K race the
next day on hilly, beautiful terrain and quaint villages. A Peace Corps
volunteer originally developed this marathon which monetarily and otherwise
profits the people and in the town.
All of a sudden I was speaking with Americans, a lot of Peace Corps
volunteers who had chosen to pay and participate in this event. It was so
strange at first. Do I kiss everyone on one side of the cheek to say hello and
goodbye? I came to understand that
I needed to do that in our last town.
But these were Americans. The Peace Corps volunteers seemed to wait for
my cue. They are so socially
conscious. Kim said, “Must be
strange for you to speak English now…absolutely yes.” It was a wonderful time meeting some of her comrades and relaxing. The Peace Corps is a tight supportive
community and I felt privileged to experience it.
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| Kim at the start of the race, with other Volunteers and Peruvians |
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| REAL ceviche! |
We then,
through a couple of flights, buses and crashing in another hostel in
Lima made it to the city of Arequipa, one of the
oldest towns in Peru. We took altitude medicine
to help and it did. We hiked in the morning to see condors flying in a canyon
twice as deep as the Grand Canyon here in the States. We bathed in tempered
pools over-looking majestic scenery and felt very pampered for one night in the
luxurious spa/hotel where we were staying. Back the next day to Arequipa city
to indulge in fine food and lodging. How we got there was on a local bus that
broke down twice and smelled of dirty diapers for a while. We then traveled to Lima again and
spent time there before I left.
These cities are of course a very different experience than how I spent
my first few days. I was so
enriched by being with my daughter who navigates her way through Peru like a
local. I never could have had this experience without her. I am so appreciative
of this opportunity. I must add that anyone with which she had to negotiate
money usually tried to rip her off.
She constantly had to be on the alert as an American who supposedly is
rich and can pay more so they increase their rate. That was really saddening to me. She is there to help and loves her Peru yet get’s
experienced as an ugly American.
She handles it well but it is a big stress.
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| The majestic condor birds and Colca Canyon |
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| The thermal baths |
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| Delicious and healthy alpaca meat, in a fantastic restaurant in Arequipa |
I love you
Kim. I’ve only gotten a clue of
what you have done in such a short amount of time and I couldn’t be prouder of
your choices and how you are implementing them. It is clear the impact you have already made and how people
work with you because you have such respect and care for them. My father always said, “The more intelligence and education
you have the more you should be able to understand and communicate with
anyone.” My father would be so, so
proud.
More love
and respect than you can imagine,
Kisses to
all of you on the right side of the cheek,
Marianne
