Learning to Bite My Tongue: A Life-Long Process

Realized today that I had a bunch of comments on my more recent PC updates, which I hadn't even noticed!  Thank you guys SO much for the support (and even just for reading, I was surprised to see the traffic!).  I can't emphasize enough how awesome it is to hear details about how other people's processes are going... even if we are all in the same, very anxious boat!

On that note, I have a strong word of advice to those who are waiting to talk with the placement office.  I thought a long time about how much of this would be appropriate to post, but I want to share this with other nominees so that they can avoid the situation that I have put myself in.

If you hear disappointing news, like the program you were originally nominated to is now full, do your best to maintain a fully positive, patient attitude in your communication with them.  I think I did a good enough job when I heard on the phone that my program was closed... but after emailing a bit with my new PO I think I made a mistake.  I was encouraged by my new PO's first email that had concretely said late March - June 2011 compared to previous answers like "well you can count the weeks from the required 6-8 weeks notice before departure," so I thought he might be open to more concrete questions.  From his response, it seems that I came across completely wrong.

Okay, thanks for letting me know.  I appreciate you telling me what you can.

I get a lot of questions from friends and family about why my placement is taking so long compared to others.  Even the Peace Corps website says that the process from application to invitation usually takes six to twelve months, and it's now been over a year since I submitted my application.  For the programs between Jan-March, did those volunteers have this long of a process too?  I am still very committed to serving but am really disappointed that I am likely not leaving any time soon, since I have put my life on hold and am in a job and living situation that I was okay with only because of the prospect of leaving around February or March.

I know I'm not alone in my frustrations and I am trying to be as patient as possible but I don't know how to answer these hard questions from family and friends.  Can you help explain why my application is taking so long compared to others?

Thank you,

I'll keep the details of his response private but basically I think I came across as angry at the placement office; that wasn't what I intended to convey at all.  I was crushed by the delayed-departure news when writing the email (RED FLAG! LESSON LEARNED!) and was just hoping that he would provide me with some more concrete info about how placements are made.  He did not like the phrases "disappointed" and "putting my life on hold."  Putting myself in his shoes, my email could have been read in a completely different tone than I intended.  I can imagine that he is stressed enough without me pestering him, and I probably came across as whining and critical.  I really really hope that I was not a unique case of a nominee acting out of  line and that maybe he's just sick of getting lots of emails like this, so that he might forgive me or at least overlook this incident while considering my placement.

For a POSITIVE example of the complete opposite situation, check out this blog: http://kyinthailand.wordpress.com/

In particular, I mean that the PC Staff praised her for her attitude through a situation they acknowledged as crazy (having a medical hold put on her three weeks before scheduled departure), and said that that was the exact attitude they look for in a PCV.  

I'm supposed to hear from my PO again in early January.  Until then, I've learned my lesson!


Moral of the Story: Do not write emails in the heat of emotion.  Do not, do not, do not.

Peace, Happiness, and LIGHT!

Merry Christmas!

Wait, continued

Via email, Jason clarified for me that all but one program leaving in the first quarter of 2011 (Jan-March) are full, so I am basically looking at April, May, and June now.  This was really, really upsetting to hear at first, since I feel very much in a "temporary" position in my job and living situation, and now that situation is going to be longer than expected.  I calmed down after I realized that this doesn't really ruin any life plans I had or anything.  It's just a few months.
The only potential problem is that my plan is to enter business school after returning from Peace Corps, and if I don't leave until May or June I might come back too late to start a fall semester.  That would majorly suck because I would then have to deal with more "temporary" situations that I won't be able to afford... but I'm trying not to think about that now. I tend to plan too far into the future anyways, so I'll just focus on the short term- Christmas! New Years! Eventually Peace Corps!

I just want to serve!!

Got a call today from Susan while I was at work.  My heart started pounding.  This is it, I thought.  I'm going to hear where I'm going in February.  This is what I've been waiting for for over a year.

...Wrong.  Yet again, I've learned that wishful thinking is not a good idea with the Peace Corps.  She tells me that the program I was originally nominated for is now closed (a.k.a. full).  Not surprising, considering that I was nominated for it last March (grumble, grumble).  She tells me that this is very common and that what will happen now is that she will transfer my file to someone named Jason, who works more broadly with Community Development placements and he will find open programs for me.  She assures me that the important part is that she has qualified me for service (noted by the 'placement complete' on my toolkit, I guess), and that she's told Jason about my various strengths and her recommendations for my placement.  Jason should be looking to get me placed in the next two to three weeks, she says.

I'll admit that my eyes started welling up towards the end of this conversation, as I realized that getting placed in two to three weeks (probably at earliest) means I'm definitely not leaving in early February.  At earliest, this means last week of February or early March.  Unless of course "Jason" decides to place me sooner than expected- but again, I've learned that wishful thinking is a bad, bad, idea.  I had never let the frustration get to me before this point, but today I cracked.

The positive outcome of this is that once I got home, I got on my computer and starting browsing through other Peace Corps nominee blogs.  As another nominee wrote, I can't imagine getting through this process without the ability to read about other nominees sitting in the exact same boat as me.  I was especially comforted by one nominee who wrote about how she had not "practiced this line."  I'm not leaving in February.  I'm not leaving in February.

I've been building my plans for my life around an estimated departure date of early February since last March.  Admittedly, it's not the end of the world that I might be pushed back 3 weeks or so, but my fear, after reading other blogs, is that this actually means I'm not leaving until, say, June.  I am not mentally prepared to wait that long... I'm living at home with my mom!

Thankfully I have a temporary job position that is way more than I could have asked for. I get full staff-level experience because of their short-staffed situation; I'm doing work comparable to a Project Coordinator.  Also, we are working on a really cool DoS grant that is bringing Iraqi police generals and major-generals to the States for training, and the rotations start in mid-February... so now I might get to meet some of them!

The hardest part of this news, as other Peace Corps bloggers have felt too, is trying to explain to other people what is happening:

Oh my god!! They haven't told you yet??!  That's so ridiculous!! Is this normal?

Yes, it's normal.  I've been warned from the beginning that it could take around a year from application to invitation. 

So you have NO idea where you're going? They can't even give you a hint?

They don't know where I'm going either.  I was nominated to a broad area, Central and South America doing Community Development leaving around late January/early February, and now that's full.  They've also warned me from the beginning that my nomination is not a guarantee.  It's a matter of matching my skills with the availabilities, and unfortunately the paper-pushing in a federal organization with thousands of applications means that it takes a while.

Well my friend's wife's brother's friend was a Peace Corps volunteer... he/she got nominated in February and he/she left that June!  Are you sure something hasn't gone wrong?

I know, it sucks.  I'm qualified for service now (which means they definitely want to send me somewhere) and even before that I became a "valuable asset" once I got medically cleared- only 1 in 3 people who make it to that point get cleared.  Timelines vary a lot depending on the individual's skills and nomination- I was nominated to Central and South America doing Community Development, which I imagine is in high demand so I'm not surprised it's taking longer than average.  If I was an engineer or a farmer with no regional preference I imagine I would be leaving a lot sooner.

But I think my friend's wife's brother friend was nominated to Community Development too.  Yeah, definitely Community Development.

Well, I don't know.  This is just the way it is, but I really want to do this so I'm willing to wait.

What happens if they send you somewhere toooootally random?  I mean, are you sure you want to do this?  It seems like a really hard process.

I don't think the application process is a reflection of what the experience is going to be like.  From what I've heard, Volunteer life is a wonderfully independent experience, where I can basically shape my work in the host country into whatever I think is valuable... that doesn't sound a lot like the paper-pushing of a federal bureaucracy to me.  Peace Corps is the ideal program for what I want to do for the next two years, and the positive side of this waiting time is that I have started to consider how exciting it would be to go to a region outside of Latin America that I know less about.  Okay, maybe I've just gotten more desperate.  But either way, I am still committed to Peace Corps.*

*as long as they send me somewhere warm.

The hardest part about answering these questions is that they come from people who care about me and just want to express their frustration that Peace Corps isn't giving me the attention they think I deserve.  I want to be annoyed at this questions (actually, I am annoyed) but I try to remind myself that they come from a place of caring.  The problem is the daily question-and-answer sessions feel like mild humiliation, where I repeatedly say things like "maybe by my birthday... maybe by Thanksgiving... maybe by Christmas... any day now..." only to set up myself and those close to me for more waiting...  And more skeptical looks and comments, which only increase my feeling of alienation from people who don't understand why I'm doing this.

Again, I want to express my thanks to all the other Peace Corps nominees who have candidly shared their experiences on blogs.  I would be so lost without the stories of others, and it reminds me that I'm not being screwed over and I'm not slipping through the cracks.  I hope we all continue to grow in our ability to practice "patience," as the Peace Corps placement office likes to remind us :)

DC Schools Take Center Stage

Had the privilege recently of attending the "East Side" Poetry Slam competition, an event put on by DC Scores. As I have mentioned before, I volunteered with them this past summer to gain more experience for my "youth outreach" nomination with Peace Corps.  This past summer was SO fun and this event was incredible.  It is no exaggeration to say I've never been to an event like this before.  I wish the video captured how packed and energized the auditorium was, but you at least get a sense of the quality of the performances.  I had a pretty steady stream of tears coming down my eyes because I was so happy to see these kids so confident and proud of themselves.  Oh, and the interim DC Public Schools Chancellor was there to hear this politically charged performance!

So close, I can almost taste the unpurified water...

So last week I got an email from Susan at the Peace Corps, wanting to set up a phone call to "check that my application was up-to-date and complete."  When I told my mom this, she screamed, "YES it's complete, are they kidding?!" but I'm now used to my mother having much more extreme reactions to the Peace Corps (waiting) process than I do.  I guess that's natural.

Got the call from Susan last Thursday while I was at work, and this phone call ended up being basically an hour long intensive interview.  Lots of hard questions about specific situations and what I would do, about specific skills and experience that I have, and about my expectations of Peace Corps service.  Hard questions but I was glad that they asked them, and more than anything I was just glad to feel like I was in the last step of this process!

One of the interesting things she said is that there was a real possibility of me going to a non-Spanish speaking country, because the broad area I was nominated to was "Inter-America Pacific," which includes all Latin America and the Pacific Islands (and maybe Asia?)  But anyway, I went to a Peace Corps event in DC tonight and after talking to my recruiter, turns out I'm still nominated specifically to Central and South America.  Not a guarantee, but a hut on the beach in Fiji is looking unlikely (sorry Fran).

The event tonight in DC was focused on questions from parents of Peace Corps volunteers, so I went with my mom (would have loved to have brought my dad since he has had less day-to-day contact with me and my PC process, but he couldn't come).  They showed a video about Peace Corps' Legacy in anticipation of its 50th Anniversary in 2011 (the year I'll be leaving!), and I thought I would share.  Hope you like it :)