So, I punched a truck.

I have to start this post off by saying a few things.

#1- I really hope I won't offend any of my family members or other loyal friends who have been reading my blog and supporting me in many ways.  I have the deepest of gratitude for those that dedicate time to listening to my written or spoken Peace Corps stories, and for the patience you have shown in trying to understand what my life is like... but what I have to say, is that it is almost impossible for you understand what I am going through (unless you have also been a Peace Corps Volunteer).  If you have lived in a foreign country, you can understand on one level.  If you have lived in a super "rough" community where you feel constant hostility, you can understand on one level.  But there are very few experiences that really compare to Peace Corps (especially as a female), where:

• You live "alone" in a community with no friends or family from home, for two years.
• In a foreign country with foreign customs and values that you don't understand and often don't agree with, regardless of the amount of cultural sensitivity training you have received
• In a community where many people have very minimal contact with foreigners and have no idea how to treat them
• Most people's ideas of Americans are based on absurd stereotypes based on TV shows (Sweet 16), evangelical groups, and random stories told by their cousins
• The level of education is very low, which affects your ability to communicate others, not only in obvious situations like vocabulary, but in things like explaining directions for an activity... the most basic of activities have to be explained 5 times and in excruciating detail
• Myths and beliefs about nutrition, sex, and illness seem insurmountable
• Your job is 24/7, such that there is never a break from being your "professional self," even less so in a culture that gives you zero personal space
• The community is used to having to "fight" for resources, so people act like children when you start working with a group outside of theirs
• You are a public figure constantly in the public eye, and rumors spread like wildfire
• The machismo is so ingrained in the culture (to me) that even the women don't recognize it as such

#2- The whole part of #1 was written on a separate day.  I am feeling much more tranquila and less intolerant about my site now.

#3- I've been in a PEPFAR (President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief) Conference for the last two days in Chiclayo, and am there with 4 socias (counterparts) from Monsefú.  To make a long story short, two of my socias have been a complete circus throughout the event; interrupting the speaker, not turning off their cell phones, domineering group work, etc... it's become a joke now between the Volunteers at the event to shake their head at me and say things like "Damnit Monsefú..."   So, while these two women do not represent my entire community, it does give a little more weight to my belief that my site is a little rowdier and crazier than other towns in Peru.

#4- Today, I was thinking about my site-mate I will probably be getting in August (!!!) who will work in Youth Development.  I recommended Monsefú as a Youth site because there is so much work that can be done here with youth and I barely have time to touch that topic/population.  I was thinking about things I want to say to the Program Director, about what kind of Volunteer should be assigned to Monsefú.  And suddenly I remembered something my Tech Trainer told me after I was assigned to Monsefú... I believe she said "I'm glad you like your site because we thought it matched your strengths really well... we needed a female who was diplomatic but firm." This makes me laugh really hard now, because the need to be "firm" in Monsefú seems like a huge understatement.  As you might have been able to tell from this post and my last one, many people are constantly trying to out-do each other, compete for resources, and prove their personal worth... I most certainly have to be "firm" or I would never get a complete sentence out of my mouth without someone interrupting me to say eschúchame, escúchame, no, escúchame... This reality is the complete opposite from some other Volunteers that live in smaller sites, especially in the mountains.

#5- Overall, I think I've been riding pretty high on the Peace Corps rollercoaster up until this point.  These past few weeks have been my hardest in Peace Corps, and I think I've reached a new plateau in my cultural adjustment.  I'm going through a phase of almost complete intolerance to the culture.  I feel like almost every monsefuano I talk to (minus select friends and family) are incredibly rude and I can't relate to them at all.  I can't stand the men in Monsefú and Chiclayo that look at me like they are going to eat me and then whisper things in my ear.  I can't stand the absurd misconceptions people have of who I am and what resources I have, like my socia who today asked me if I came to training "in my car."  I gave a dark laugh and asked her (with a little attitude) with what money am I going to buy a car?   But my "overwhelmed with rudeness" feeling is unwarranted.  When I am around my host family, friends, or artisans, I don't feel any animosity towards them, and in fact quite the opposite... but when I step out of the house, it feels hostile.  It didn't used to feel this way, since I know many of the families in my neighborhood.  I hope this phase goes away soon.

So, with all of this in said, a short story.  

Two days ago, a man made an unbelievably disgusting SLURPING noise at me as I walked by in Monsefú.  Ugggghhhh.  As you may remember from another blog post, I try my best to ignore the harassment, because if you address it, it might just get worse.  But the more I attempt to "ignore" it or contain my anger, the more likely it becomes that I am going to explode an incident or two after a particularly bad interaction.  So, that slurping action was just too much for me, and I was (unknowingly) ready to blow.

Yesterday, I was leaving at 8AM from Monsefú to go to Chiclayo for the first day of the Conference.  I was already really stressed out about the re-programming of this damn artisan fashion show and a few other things.  So I walk down a street to drop something off with an artisan friend and a big cargo truck full of men starts whistling at me.  I ignore it.  I drop off the item, start back down the street, and realize that I have no desire to pass through these men again.  I try to cross the street, but am unable to because of an aggressive stream of mototaxis coming through.  So I am forced to walk right past the truck again, and in my head am having the thoughts of "I swear to God, if they make a sound, I'm gonna..."

A short interjection-- my interactions with men here have given me some pretty violent daydreams about things I would do to my harassers if there were no physical or other risks for myself.  I don't think I should describe them here because, as I said in Part #1, I don't think it's possible for you to understand where my head is at here... and I might sound crazy!

Continuing on- I start walking past the truck, and of course some intense whistling ensues.  I explode.  I whip around, and (in my head) came somewhat close to physically assaulting someone.  The man standing right next to me appeared to have not participated in the noises, and the guilty ones were unreachable sitting high up in their truck.  I was completely enraged and I must have looked completely ridiculous.  My eyes were bugging out of my head, and my fist were clenched by my sides.  But I also felt completely helpless and couldn't get a word out, so... I punched the truck.  Just full on, fist clenched, punched the door of the truck.

As you might imagine, this set the harassers into a fit of laughter, and as I stomped away, I still felt so enraged that I might faint.

Thankfully, this PEPFAR Conference has been very well-timed to give me some time with other Volunteers, even if two of my socias make me pretty frustrated sometimes.  I'm feeling much better today, and actually had a good meeting about the re-programming of the artisan show, which is bringing my overall level of "intolerance" down a number of notches.

And if any Peace Corps bosses are reading this, I promise I'm not going to physically assault anybody.  I'll just have to work on other ways to be "firm."  ;)