Mom's Guest Blog- Visiting Kim's Home

Dear friends and family,

You may think it strange for me to say “Kim’s Home.”   She misses her US home but Kim has made a home for herself in Monsefu, Peru. A second home and a definite primary home for now.  She has a mother, father, sister and sisters and brother-in-laws, cousins and extended family that she experiences as her own. They experience her the same way.  She is incredibly embedded in the community with mutual love and respect. I ended up the same way, feeling so embedded in the families and friends she has established that it was hard to leave the Peruvian welcome and the home my daughter has created.  

The Peruvians are different.  The families that she socializes with value relationship beyond anything else.  They are present in the moment with you and say it like it is.  They questioned me, as they have with Kim about how it is that “We would let our children leave home at 18”.  Their question is about our different cultural mores and values.  For them, the children are always in touch and really don’t leave home until they are married and even then the mother keeps her rule, is very involved and her children are nearby and involved. I explained that separating for us was in the best interest of the child and her/ his development of autonomy. It wasn’t an emotional separation but a supporting of the cultural mores and values that I/we/they grow up with which has to do with independence, self respect and a desire to further your growth and achievements. I deeply respect the value of family and think we could benefit by focusing on the family more.  This was hard for them to understand. We had great conversations.

Host Mom and Dad (far side), host sister, host brother, and nephew

Host Mom and the family of another host sister

I feel so grateful that I had this time with Kim and her family in Monsefu. I felt such honesty, trust, curiosity and affection.  They are good, good people. I don’t know how Kim will be able to leave. I mentioned that to her and she agreed saying she can’t and does not want to imagine it.   

 I do imagine what will happen. Kim will leave with great sadness and her heart strings will be stretched beyond belief. It will be emotionally tortuous and she will leave or I will come to get her. I humorously said this to the family with whom she lived for three months when she was in her initial training June of 2011. They humorously/seriously said that they are due for an earthquake and she will not be able to leave when it happens. This was after we experienced a possible tremor with them in their home.  They then in all seriousness told me about the earthquakes they have experienced and the loss of life and home that has occurred. They live with this constantly. When they hear a possible tremor they quickly all go together to hear how the dogs are barking outside.  They can tell whether they should run to shelter or not by the sound of the barking dogs.

Her first host family in Lima, where we experienced the tremor.

I turn now to some of the funny and not so funny predicaments. I’ve told you how relational the Peruvians can be.  You might not feel that way in a car on the Peruvian roads.  More frequently than not there are no stop signs and surely no stop lights.  Drivers beep as they go through an intersection.  Your life is in their hands.  Quickly I ascertained that most drivers are very competent and know how to navigate their way in Peruvian city traffic without getting hit. With one driver however, both Kim and I came to feel like our lives might be in danger. Kim said “Please!” to the driver who aggressively, irritatedly swerved in and out of traffic traveling at an extreme speed.  I felt like we were in a video car racing game where he was bent on winning. Thankfully we all won and lived. Unfortunately we passed an accident where another driver was not so lucky, and an ambulance was on the scene.  He may have slowed down a little then.

Another cultural aspect that I earlier described as an asset can also be experienced as a discomfort. Most families are focused on relationship but so much so that you can feel trapped and unable to withdraw in a way that is respectful. Having figured this out with Kim’s help I was able to try to remove myself from dinner at a very poor family’s house at around 10:00 pm saying, “Kim please translate to this family, your mother is very, very tired and you have to put her to bed”.  It took us at least another ½ hour to leave.  Time is not experienced in Peru as it is here and it is insulting to use time as a reason for leaving the relationship.

The family we were with until 10:30pm, and the German volunteer they host

 I have described this trip to my friends as the most interesting and diverse I have ever had. You will understand why. We next traveled to Pacasmayo on the coast/beach.  We stayed at a hostel for $7/night which was just what we needed…clean, two beds, great bath. Kim was participating in a 10K race the next day on hilly, beautiful terrain and quaint villages. A Peace Corps volunteer originally developed this marathon which monetarily and otherwise profits the people and in the town.  All of a sudden I was speaking with Americans, a lot of Peace Corps volunteers who had chosen to pay and participate in this event. It was so strange at first. Do I kiss everyone on one side of the cheek to say hello and goodbye?  I came to understand that I needed to do that in our last town.  But these were Americans. The Peace Corps volunteers seemed to wait for my cue.  They are so socially conscious.  Kim said, “Must be strange for you to speak English now…absolutely yes.”  It was a wonderful time meeting some of her comrades and relaxing.  The Peace Corps is a tight supportive community and I felt privileged to experience it.

Kim at the start of the race, with other Volunteers and Peruvians

REAL ceviche!

We then, through a couple of flights, buses and crashing in another hostel in Lima made it to the city of Arequipa, one of the oldest towns in Peru. We took altitude medicine to help and it did. We hiked in the morning to see condors flying in a canyon twice as deep as the Grand Canyon here in the States. We bathed in tempered pools over-looking majestic scenery and felt very pampered for one night in the luxurious spa/hotel where we were staying. Back the next day to Arequipa city to indulge in fine food and lodging. How we got there was on a local bus that broke down twice and smelled of dirty diapers for a while.  We then traveled to Lima again and spent time there before I left.  These cities are of course a very different experience than how I spent my first few days.  I was so enriched by being with my daughter who navigates her way through Peru like a local. I never could have had this experience without her. I am so appreciative of this opportunity. I must add that anyone with which she had to negotiate money usually tried to rip her off.  She constantly had to be on the alert as an American who supposedly is rich and can pay more so they increase their rate.  That was really saddening to me.  She is there to help and loves her Peru yet get’s experienced as an ugly American.  She handles it well but it is a big stress.

The majestic condor birds and Colca Canyon

The thermal baths

Delicious and healthy alpaca meat, in a fantastic restaurant in Arequipa

I love you Kim.  I’ve only gotten a clue of what you have done in such a short amount of time and I couldn’t be prouder of your choices and how you are implementing them.  It is clear the impact you have already made and how people work with you because you have such  respect and care for them.  My father always said, “The more intelligence and education you have the more you should be able to understand and communicate with anyone.”  My father would be so, so proud.

More love and respect than you can imagine,

Kisses to all of you on the right side of the cheek,

Marianne

The complete picture album: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10100571325396136.2607184.1526375&type=3&l=8ade352bee