Keeping Myself Happy and Busy

...the two seem to always go together.  Thank you already to those who have commented on my last post.  Your words really mean a lot to me, and are a great reminder that this is not the time to crack!

I am so excited to think about what I will do with my free time after I am done with the GMAT on Thursday.  Since about October, I've had virtually no time for volunteering, working out, or relaxing.

I haven't "added" to my Peace Corps-relevant resume since this summer, when I was volunteering at the DC Scores soccer-writing camp before I got my current job.  I definitely feel guilty about that, but it's kind of hard to keep up my volunteering when I'm just struggling to make a living!  My job is semi-relevant to Peace Corps work, but that connection isn't readily apparent on paper.  But now, finally I can get back to what I love.

I just emailed a family friend who works in the DC Courts, since she works with child abuse and neglect cases.  I am really interested in volunteering with those kids and from past conversations it sounds like she might be able to find a place for me.  Hopefully that will come through!  Plus, now I might have some new info to share with my placement officer, whenever he calls!

Thanks again, fellow nominees :)

To: God CC: Placement Officer, Other PC Bloggers

Please send me a phone call this week.  I really need this.

I officially submitted my Peace Corps application in October 2009, and from then forward, I have never second-guessed my commitment to Peace Corps.  By that time in 2009, I had come to the decision that Peace Corps is without a doubt the best program for what I want to do with the next 2.5 years of my life.  I want to live fully immersed in a community in a developing country, but I want to do so with some remaining connection to a larger support network.  I thought a lot about looking for a job in Guatemala, Honduras, etc. with a local NGO, but my sense was that without full business Spanish fluency, the chances of that working out were slim (and I only consider myself to have "informal" fluency).  So, it was go Peace Corps or go home.

I still feel that way about Peace Corps.  Over this past year and three months, I honestly have not even thought about applying to other programs.  I think that given the number of hiccups my application has seen over this time, I have been markedly patient, which I am reminded by the Placement Office is an important quality for a volunteer.

But after that email conversation with my placement officer, something has turned, ever so slightly, inside of me.  I am still 100% committed to Peace Corps and have no idea what else I would do in its place, but I've begun to wonder if I'm giving Peace Corps more commitment than I should.  If I'm being too trustful.  If it is time to start looking at other options.

Overall, my decision to start blogging and following other blogs of Peace Corps volunteers has been an incredibly positive change in my nominee experience.  I get a lot of reassurance that I'm not being screwed over by the system, that lots of other people are waiting just as long as me, and some idea of what comes next.  I get a space for some writing-induced catharsis and for some feeling of the PC community that will soon be a part of my life, if I just wait a little longer.  But  the other nominee-in-limbo-after-program-filled blogs that I cling to for camaraderie have made significant forward progress.  Many have their invitations and packing lists ready to go, and others have moved ahead of me in the process.  It really scares me that my email conversation with my placement officer may have had a negative effect on my timeline.  It seems all the more cruel when I think about the fact that he is in an office less than ten blocks from my place.  If only we could meet face to face, we could start over with a clean slate!  I really really hope I'm overreacting.  Please, God/Placement Officer/Other Bloggers, give me some words of hope, advice, or just something to latch onto here.

I don't know how to explain it, but the end of this week feels like make-it-or-break-it time... aka, I will get a call or I will break.  Before Christmas, my placement officer said they would "continue working on [my] application as planned, and [he] would hopefully be in touch early in the new year."  Emailing him is completely out of the question at this point, but what do I do if I haven't heard from him in a week?  Two weeks?  AHHH if only we could meet in person!!!

I really really really hope that I'll get a call soon, and I will be able to look back on this whole process and laugh.

...but what if I don't get a call this week? ...or next week?  I take GMAT this Thursday, so for 48 more hours I've got something that helps me feel like I'm still in control of my future...but what do I do after that?

This is my life.  I consider myself pretty even-tempered and very good at dealing with unforeseen events, but should I be doing more to prepare myself for the worst right now?

Please, send me a sign... or better yet, a call and FedEx package...

2010 in Review

While it sometimes feels like 2010 was all one big bout of Restless Applicant Syndrome, I am inspired by other blogs to look back on everything that has happened over the last year.


Things That I Did and Things That Happened to Me in 2010

• Traveled to Jackson Hole, Wyoming with friends to get in touch with my snow bunny self; quickly fell back out of touch with that self after a near concussion.
• Lived through the "Snowpocalypse" in Charlottesville and DC, with great company in both locations + a blue, fleece, rocket-ship-patterned onesie
• Put on my best face of confidence to help lead my sorority through Recruitment as president; later, enjoyed the freedom to fade into the background
• Became a part-time student during my last semester, allowing me to be as spontaneous as possible (with weekend trips, etc.) and stay mostly caught up in my classes
• After four  months of no news since interview, got my Peace Corps nomination- also passed medical, legal and placement clearances
• Took far fewer pictures than I should have
• After a 15 hour drive to New Orleans, spent under 24 hours at Mardi Gras due to a significant personal crisis
• Attended my first bachelorette party and wedding of a friend
• Over a period of two weeks, slept less than I thought I would ever be able to stand, with my college graduation wedged in between
• Realized that I was actually perfectly ready to graduate
• Became even more aware of how I blessed I am to have the friends I do, no matter if they are in DC, New York, Utah, Texas, or Argentina
• After hating it for about a month, realized that living with my mom is actually a lot more doable than I expected
• Flew business class for the first time in my life, to Eastern Europe as my graduation present from and with my mom; that also went surprisingly well considering the amount of time we had been spending together
• Became more personally involved in family events, including multiple relatives receiving cancer news
• Took a job that turned out to be much more fulfilling than I had expected; settled into post-grad life in a very positive way
• Contemplated many big picture and small detail questions about my future with Peace Corps, both before and after news that my placement was going to be pushed back
• Sent my first set of personal Christmas cards and bought my own stationary
• Failed at maintaining my church habits after moving away from my spiritual home in Charlottesville
• Made a New Year's Resolution to pray more

All in all, I would say we came out on top!  Thanks 2010, it's been real.

Learning to Bite My Tongue: A Life-Long Process

Realized today that I had a bunch of comments on my more recent PC updates, which I hadn't even noticed!  Thank you guys SO much for the support (and even just for reading, I was surprised to see the traffic!).  I can't emphasize enough how awesome it is to hear details about how other people's processes are going... even if we are all in the same, very anxious boat!

On that note, I have a strong word of advice to those who are waiting to talk with the placement office.  I thought a long time about how much of this would be appropriate to post, but I want to share this with other nominees so that they can avoid the situation that I have put myself in.

If you hear disappointing news, like the program you were originally nominated to is now full, do your best to maintain a fully positive, patient attitude in your communication with them.  I think I did a good enough job when I heard on the phone that my program was closed... but after emailing a bit with my new PO I think I made a mistake.  I was encouraged by my new PO's first email that had concretely said late March - June 2011 compared to previous answers like "well you can count the weeks from the required 6-8 weeks notice before departure," so I thought he might be open to more concrete questions.  From his response, it seems that I came across completely wrong.

Okay, thanks for letting me know.  I appreciate you telling me what you can.

I get a lot of questions from friends and family about why my placement is taking so long compared to others.  Even the Peace Corps website says that the process from application to invitation usually takes six to twelve months, and it's now been over a year since I submitted my application.  For the programs between Jan-March, did those volunteers have this long of a process too?  I am still very committed to serving but am really disappointed that I am likely not leaving any time soon, since I have put my life on hold and am in a job and living situation that I was okay with only because of the prospect of leaving around February or March.

I know I'm not alone in my frustrations and I am trying to be as patient as possible but I don't know how to answer these hard questions from family and friends.  Can you help explain why my application is taking so long compared to others?

Thank you,

I'll keep the details of his response private but basically I think I came across as angry at the placement office; that wasn't what I intended to convey at all.  I was crushed by the delayed-departure news when writing the email (RED FLAG! LESSON LEARNED!) and was just hoping that he would provide me with some more concrete info about how placements are made.  He did not like the phrases "disappointed" and "putting my life on hold."  Putting myself in his shoes, my email could have been read in a completely different tone than I intended.  I can imagine that he is stressed enough without me pestering him, and I probably came across as whining and critical.  I really really hope that I was not a unique case of a nominee acting out of  line and that maybe he's just sick of getting lots of emails like this, so that he might forgive me or at least overlook this incident while considering my placement.

For a POSITIVE example of the complete opposite situation, check out this blog: http://kyinthailand.wordpress.com/

In particular, I mean that the PC Staff praised her for her attitude through a situation they acknowledged as crazy (having a medical hold put on her three weeks before scheduled departure), and said that that was the exact attitude they look for in a PCV.  

I'm supposed to hear from my PO again in early January.  Until then, I've learned my lesson!


Moral of the Story: Do not write emails in the heat of emotion.  Do not, do not, do not.

Peace, Happiness, and LIGHT!

Merry Christmas!

Wait, continued

Via email, Jason clarified for me that all but one program leaving in the first quarter of 2011 (Jan-March) are full, so I am basically looking at April, May, and June now.  This was really, really upsetting to hear at first, since I feel very much in a "temporary" position in my job and living situation, and now that situation is going to be longer than expected.  I calmed down after I realized that this doesn't really ruin any life plans I had or anything.  It's just a few months.
The only potential problem is that my plan is to enter business school after returning from Peace Corps, and if I don't leave until May or June I might come back too late to start a fall semester.  That would majorly suck because I would then have to deal with more "temporary" situations that I won't be able to afford... but I'm trying not to think about that now. I tend to plan too far into the future anyways, so I'll just focus on the short term- Christmas! New Years! Eventually Peace Corps!

I just want to serve!!

Got a call today from Susan while I was at work.  My heart started pounding.  This is it, I thought.  I'm going to hear where I'm going in February.  This is what I've been waiting for for over a year.

...Wrong.  Yet again, I've learned that wishful thinking is not a good idea with the Peace Corps.  She tells me that the program I was originally nominated for is now closed (a.k.a. full).  Not surprising, considering that I was nominated for it last March (grumble, grumble).  She tells me that this is very common and that what will happen now is that she will transfer my file to someone named Jason, who works more broadly with Community Development placements and he will find open programs for me.  She assures me that the important part is that she has qualified me for service (noted by the 'placement complete' on my toolkit, I guess), and that she's told Jason about my various strengths and her recommendations for my placement.  Jason should be looking to get me placed in the next two to three weeks, she says.

I'll admit that my eyes started welling up towards the end of this conversation, as I realized that getting placed in two to three weeks (probably at earliest) means I'm definitely not leaving in early February.  At earliest, this means last week of February or early March.  Unless of course "Jason" decides to place me sooner than expected- but again, I've learned that wishful thinking is a bad, bad, idea.  I had never let the frustration get to me before this point, but today I cracked.

The positive outcome of this is that once I got home, I got on my computer and starting browsing through other Peace Corps nominee blogs.  As another nominee wrote, I can't imagine getting through this process without the ability to read about other nominees sitting in the exact same boat as me.  I was especially comforted by one nominee who wrote about how she had not "practiced this line."  I'm not leaving in February.  I'm not leaving in February.

I've been building my plans for my life around an estimated departure date of early February since last March.  Admittedly, it's not the end of the world that I might be pushed back 3 weeks or so, but my fear, after reading other blogs, is that this actually means I'm not leaving until, say, June.  I am not mentally prepared to wait that long... I'm living at home with my mom!

Thankfully I have a temporary job position that is way more than I could have asked for. I get full staff-level experience because of their short-staffed situation; I'm doing work comparable to a Project Coordinator.  Also, we are working on a really cool DoS grant that is bringing Iraqi police generals and major-generals to the States for training, and the rotations start in mid-February... so now I might get to meet some of them!

The hardest part of this news, as other Peace Corps bloggers have felt too, is trying to explain to other people what is happening:

Oh my god!! They haven't told you yet??!  That's so ridiculous!! Is this normal?

Yes, it's normal.  I've been warned from the beginning that it could take around a year from application to invitation. 

So you have NO idea where you're going? They can't even give you a hint?

They don't know where I'm going either.  I was nominated to a broad area, Central and South America doing Community Development leaving around late January/early February, and now that's full.  They've also warned me from the beginning that my nomination is not a guarantee.  It's a matter of matching my skills with the availabilities, and unfortunately the paper-pushing in a federal organization with thousands of applications means that it takes a while.

Well my friend's wife's brother's friend was a Peace Corps volunteer... he/she got nominated in February and he/she left that June!  Are you sure something hasn't gone wrong?

I know, it sucks.  I'm qualified for service now (which means they definitely want to send me somewhere) and even before that I became a "valuable asset" once I got medically cleared- only 1 in 3 people who make it to that point get cleared.  Timelines vary a lot depending on the individual's skills and nomination- I was nominated to Central and South America doing Community Development, which I imagine is in high demand so I'm not surprised it's taking longer than average.  If I was an engineer or a farmer with no regional preference I imagine I would be leaving a lot sooner.

But I think my friend's wife's brother friend was nominated to Community Development too.  Yeah, definitely Community Development.

Well, I don't know.  This is just the way it is, but I really want to do this so I'm willing to wait.

What happens if they send you somewhere toooootally random?  I mean, are you sure you want to do this?  It seems like a really hard process.

I don't think the application process is a reflection of what the experience is going to be like.  From what I've heard, Volunteer life is a wonderfully independent experience, where I can basically shape my work in the host country into whatever I think is valuable... that doesn't sound a lot like the paper-pushing of a federal bureaucracy to me.  Peace Corps is the ideal program for what I want to do for the next two years, and the positive side of this waiting time is that I have started to consider how exciting it would be to go to a region outside of Latin America that I know less about.  Okay, maybe I've just gotten more desperate.  But either way, I am still committed to Peace Corps.*

*as long as they send me somewhere warm.

The hardest part about answering these questions is that they come from people who care about me and just want to express their frustration that Peace Corps isn't giving me the attention they think I deserve.  I want to be annoyed at this questions (actually, I am annoyed) but I try to remind myself that they come from a place of caring.  The problem is the daily question-and-answer sessions feel like mild humiliation, where I repeatedly say things like "maybe by my birthday... maybe by Thanksgiving... maybe by Christmas... any day now..." only to set up myself and those close to me for more waiting...  And more skeptical looks and comments, which only increase my feeling of alienation from people who don't understand why I'm doing this.

Again, I want to express my thanks to all the other Peace Corps nominees who have candidly shared their experiences on blogs.  I would be so lost without the stories of others, and it reminds me that I'm not being screwed over and I'm not slipping through the cracks.  I hope we all continue to grow in our ability to practice "patience," as the Peace Corps placement office likes to remind us :)