Please send me a phone call this week. I really need this.
I officially submitted my Peace Corps application in October 2009, and from then forward, I have never second-guessed my commitment to Peace Corps. By that time in 2009, I had come to the decision that Peace Corps is without a doubt the best program for what I want to do with the next 2.5 years of my life. I want to live fully immersed in a community in a developing country, but I want to do so with some remaining connection to a larger support network. I thought a lot about looking for a job in Guatemala, Honduras, etc. with a local NGO, but my sense was that without full business Spanish fluency, the chances of that working out were slim (and I only consider myself to have "informal" fluency). So, it was go Peace Corps or go home.
I still feel that way about Peace Corps. Over this past year and three months, I honestly have not even thought about applying to other programs. I think that given the number of hiccups my application has seen over this time, I have been markedly patient, which I am reminded by the Placement Office is an important quality for a volunteer.
But after that email conversation with my placement officer, something has turned, ever so slightly, inside of me. I am still 100% committed to Peace Corps and have no idea what else I would do in its place, but I've begun to wonder if I'm giving Peace Corps more commitment than I should. If I'm being too trustful. If it is time to start looking at other options.
Overall, my decision to start blogging and following other blogs of Peace Corps volunteers has been an incredibly positive change in my nominee experience. I get a lot of reassurance that I'm not being screwed over by the system, that lots of other people are waiting just as long as me, and some idea of what comes next. I get a space for some writing-induced catharsis and for some feeling of the PC community that will soon be a part of my life, if I just wait a little longer. But the other nominee-in-limbo-after-program-filled blogs that I cling to for camaraderie have made significant forward progress. Many have their invitations and packing lists ready to go, and others have moved ahead of me in the process. It really scares me that my email conversation with my placement officer may have had a negative effect on my timeline. It seems all the more cruel when I think about the fact that he is in an office less than ten blocks from my place. If only we could meet face to face, we could start over with a clean slate! I really really hope I'm overreacting. Please, God/Placement Officer/Other Bloggers, give me some words of hope, advice, or just something to latch onto here.
I don't know how to explain it, but the end of this week feels like make-it-or-break-it time... aka, I will get a call or I will break. Before Christmas, my placement officer said they would "continue working on [my] application as planned, and [he] would hopefully be in touch early in the new year." Emailing him is completely out of the question at this point, but what do I do if I haven't heard from him in a week? Two weeks? AHHH if only we could meet in person!!!
I really really really hope that I'll get a call soon, and I will be able to look back on this whole process and laugh.
...but what if I don't get a call this week? ...or next week? I take GMAT this Thursday, so for 48 more hours I've got something that helps me feel like I'm still in control of my future...but what do I do after that?
This is my life. I consider myself pretty even-tempered and very good at dealing with unforeseen events, but should I be doing more to prepare myself for the worst right now?
Please, send me a sign... or better yet, a call and FedEx package...
Take a deep breath. Now let it out. Now smile. I know that you'll think it's easy for me to say since I've recently made significant progress but there were times when I was at a stand still while other applicants were flying by me so I do still understand how you feel. The only thing that hasn't gotten me through this is praying for patience and peace of mind. If this is truly something your called to do, you'll go when and where you're supposed to go. You have to keep reminding yourself of that. I would agree that contacting the placement office again is out of the question, given your last encounter. So all you can really do is continue to focus on spending time with your family and friends, brushing up on your Spanish, continue to volunteer, or do other productive things to keep you busy and distracted. Because I can assure you, when it starts moving, it goes fast. All this time I spent blog stalking, I could have and should have been studying my Spanish. Now I'm cramming and scrambling a little bit. Maybe even take a break from reading blogs that my discourage you. Just try to forget about it for a little bit...okay I know that's impossible. Allow me to rephrase, just try not to focus on it so much. What's meant to be will be and you'll be rewarded for your patience!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jessica on this one. This is the approach that I have taken. I am 4 weeks and counting since my updated resume was requested, and still nothing. I have found other nominees that have been waiting longer since that step then I have. I am almost 100% certain at this point that I won't be leaving before March if at all. That knowledge has allowed me relax a bit (just a wee bit). As my birthday approaches my hopes of having an answer by then is vanishing. My timeline is actually approaching the 9-month mark so if I use that (9-12 month application) as a reference I still have 3 more to go (I hope not!) At this point we have done all we can and it's out of our hands. The only thing we can control is what we do we the time spent waiting.
ReplyDeleteOops...that was supposed to say "the only thing that HAS gotten me through this..."
ReplyDelete